What’s Love Got To Do With It?

“Oh what’s love got to do, got to do with it?
What’s love but a second hand emotion?
What’s love got to do, got to do with it?
Who needs a heart,
When a heart can be broken?”

If you’ve loved and had your heart broken, you know what it means to try to put a lock on your heart, determined to prevent that heartache from ever happening again. The problem with that, is that we were created for love. We long to be loved, to be truly known. It is so much easy to throw out a  ”who needs a heart, when a heart can be broken” type response. In the midst of the pain of rejection, we try to convince ourselves that we just didn’t need love in the first place. That sounds safe doesn’t it?

But it doesn’t work that way. We try to love again, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. Because deep down, we want to be loved, we long to be known.

We were created for it.

So we step into love again, with a guard around our heart.

“It may seem to you,
That I’m acting confused,
When you’re close to me.
If I tend to look dazed,
I’ve read it someplace,
I’ve got cause to be.”

I’ve been taking on a new direction
But I have to say
I’ve been thinking about my own protection
It scares me to feel this way…”

It is absolutely terrifying to trust your heart in the hands of another after being wounded. Sometimes it means forgiving a person you love deeply and allowing that love to keep growing even after deep pain.Sometimes it means walking away from rejected love and trusting your heart to another.

I’ve know the pain of rejection, and have walked through the process of forgiving and learning to love again. I’ve loved others through the filter of my own pain, and even projected that into new relationships. Having walked this out in my own life, gives me a deeper ability to relate to my own child who is struggling to love and be loved.

I get it. It is so  much easier to push back and pretend not to care to “put up our own protection” because we’re “scared to feel this way.”

What does love have to do with it anyway?

It has absolutely EVERYTHING to do with it.

It’s all about love.

We are all a bunch of broken hearted souls trying to love other broken hearted souls. Whether it’s in your  marriage or in your friendships, whether it’s a relationship with your mother or your daughter, your father or your son, I encourage you today to take a deep breath of grace and pour out mercy upon those you are trying desperately to love. Whether you’re the one pushing back with the guarded heart, or whether you’re the one trying to love one who keeps pushing you away, take that deep breath and shift your perspective. Love out of a place of mercy today, and choose to let yourself be loved as well.

Emma with Daddy in 2009. Taking a deep breath and stepping into love. 

 

Credits to Terry Britten and Graham Lyle co-writers of “What’s Love Got to Do With It” and to Ms. Tina Turner for popularizing this song.

Broken Love

 

You do not have to love me.  You don’t have to even care. You can punish me and throw your punches. I can take it. I’m pretty tough.

If your heart becomes confused and overwhelmed, you have a safe place here to work it out.  I’m teaching myself how to sort it out. Working hard not to take it personally. Working hard to love the you I see inside and not push away the you that hurts me.

I’m not entirely invincible, so sometimes I cave. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I lash out with words that make it worse. I wish I was a perfect Mom. I’m not. But I’m your mom, and I will fight for your heart.

So broken. Torn apart before you took your first breath in a womb that was not safe. You gasped. You cried. You flailed. You were left alone, broken.

And now I’m here trying to hold the broken pieces in my hands. Holding them out before me to the One, the only One, who can take them and breathe on them the breath  of Life that makes all things new.

I pray. Desperately crying out for the strength to love.  In my own strength, I’m a hopeless case. But I lean on One who is the hope of all mankind, and I fight to love because He fought for me.

And because you my dear are worth it.

Pretty

I read an article recently called “The Death of Pretty.” In it, Pat Archibold writes, “Pretty, pretty is dying.  People will define pretty differently.  For the purposes of this piece, I define pretty as a mutually enriching balanced combination of beauty and projected innocence.”

I want my daughters to always feel pretty.

I want each of my daughters to radiate the type of beauty, innocence, and virtue than causes a man to want to honor her, protect her, and defend her- the kind of beauty that causes a man to want to sweep her off her feet one day and spend his whole life making her feel like a princess.

Everywhere we look, our culture is screaming for young girls to be “sexy” or “hot.”  Our daughters are bombarded. The magazines racks with their neon signs are telling young girls how to be “good in bed” or how to get a “hot body” in 30 days, showing the latest in fashion, and holding up an unrealistic, unachievable, paint-brushed standard. The entire focus is on the external package, with nothing, nothing at all, encouraging young women to walk with integrity or to cultivate their hearts. And let’s not forget the young men who have these images and headlines emblazoned in their minds too. Deep inside they  know they long for a young woman with whom they can share their heart and relate to emotionally. Deep inside young men want to be the hero and the defender.

Society is pushing our children to focus on the external while the internal crumbles.

I want my daughters to have beautiful hearts that are reflected in an external beauty that is pure and innocent. I want the beauty that is seen on the outside to radiate from their eyes and their beautiful smiles, a reflection of a heart that is loving and kind, full of virtue.

I want my sons to see the beauty in the heart of a young woman and defend her at all costs. I want my sons to look at the external through they eyes of their hearts and honor every young woman they meet, keeping their hearts pure.

The other day I took my sweet little girls to a “little girl spa” where they had their hair done, their nails painted,  got to wear some princess make up, and were sprinkled with sparkles. The picture above is Elia “before.” So pretty, so beautiful inside and out. I wouldn’t change a thing.

There was nothing wrong with our time together. It was so fun! Afterward the girls were thrilled with their shiny lips and sparkly hair, but it didn’t make them feel “better” about themselves. It was momentary, and by bedtime they were glad to take out the bobby pins and wash off the glitter.  They know they are pretty because their daddy and their brothers tell them all the time. Their eyes light up every time they are told, “Oh, you are so pretty!”

We are fighting against a culture that screams for “hotness,” while we try to instill in our daughters that they are fearfully and wonderfully made, beautiful because of hearts that seek to be pure, and so very, very pretty.

All the glitter and gloss doesn’t make this child “pretty.”

She simply is.

Pretty.

Very, very pretty.

 

 

 

Words

I really like words. I like the way they sound when they roll around in my head. I like the way the look when I sprawl them across a piece of paper or see them flow across the computer screen. I like the way they sound when I listen to them come out of my mouth. There is so much power in words. Power to love, to heal, or to make one laugh. Power to hurt, to break, or to make one cry.

I want my words to bring life. I want my words to speak the truth and pour out love on those receiving them. I want my words to bring forth smiles, hope, and laughter.

Proverbs 12:8 reads, “Wreckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

I’ve used my words to pierce at times, but my hearts desire is for my words to heal and breathe life into the one receiving them.

Proverbs 16:24 reads, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

I feel like this is a year for me to write more. I dream of writing books. They bounce around in my head, chapters, sentences, words…

My parents gave me a new Bible when I was a teenager. I still carry it. It is missing pages now (thanks kids), but I love it. It is familiar. I know where to find stuff. I have written in the margins, I have underlined and highlighted. I have had a relationship with that Book, and I don’t want a new one. (Well, I would like to get Romans chapters 5-7 back.)

In this Bible, in my mother’s handwriting, are the words, ” ‘He who refreshes others, will himself be refreshed.’ Proverbs 11:25. You are a refresher, Tracie.” 

That is the desire of my heart to refresh others with my words.

That is my singular resolution for 2012.

I pray that the Lord will pour into that desire and give me words that show love, give hope, words that that heal, and words that bring laughter and joy.

Mattie Meets Jonah

This is baby Jonah. A few months before my Mattie was born, this little guy entered the world and needed a family. I was blessed to be part of helping Jonah find his forever family and many of you witnessed the miracle of the financial provision for his adoption. If you want to read a great testimony of the love of God and the obedience of the Body of Christ, READ HERE and then  READ HERE! 

Jonah came for a visit last week and I was so blessed to be able to snuggle this precious miracle again! He was kind of sleepy, but look at those yummy cheeks!

I love this little man, even if he doesn’t understand why I love him so much!

And then Mattie and Jonah got to meet! Here’s Jonah’s beautiful Momma, Angela and I with our handsome boys!

 

A Joyous Christmas

As you can imagine, we are celebrating Christmas this year with an incredible amount of JOY in our hearts that our sweet Matthias is HOME FOR CHRISTMAS.
Everything around here seems more precious, more magical, and more joyous.
We are full of thanksgiving for all that the Lord has carried us through this year and have great anticipation for His continued goodness in the year to come.

We hold unswervingly to the hope that we profess because He who promised is indeed Faithful! (Hebrews 10:23) And He will complete all that he began in us. (Phil.1:6)

Celebrating the Love and Kindness of God

and the gift of Redemption

that has been given to each of us

through the Life of His Son Jesus.

The Loux Family

John and Tracie

Nicholas, Taylor, Isabelle, Aiden, Emma, Elia, and Matthias

Punk Kid

I met Derek in 1989. He was just a punk kid. Wildly alive with creativity and an incredible passion for life, he was always up for a good debate and was determined to win every time. He spent hours in his room shut up writing music. His room smelled like a junior high locker room. He loved pushing the envelope in almost every area of his life- in relationships, in his spiritual life, and in his creative pursuits.

The day I met him, I had come to his house, invited by his older brother John, to a Bible study- the “safe” excuse for a first date. I could tell from the moment we said “hello” that this kid was full of it. He had that look in his eye that said, “Well see if you’re good enough for my brother.” Fortunately for all of us, I am not one who is easily intimidated, but I pity the other girls who tried to win the heart of John Loux. I hear that Derek scared many of them off.

At the time I started dating John, I was working a part time job at a juvenile detention facility to help pay my way through college. I remember one day coming over to John’s parents house for dinner after work. I was sharing that I had taken a class that day in  physical restraint so that I could protect both myself and the kids in any kind of volatile situation.  After hearing about my training, Derek chimed in that there was no way I could be strong enough to restrain a teenager like him. (I think at the time I was 5′ 2″ and barely 105 pounds.)

Because I was just as competitive and strong-willed as Derek, and just could not handle this punk telling me that I couldn’t, I challenged him to come at me and give it his best shot. As I recall, he threw a punch at me, and with in a seconds I had him face down on the family room carpet.

I won that day. Yes, his face hit the carpet, and I got to say “told you so,” but he also decide to give me a chance with his brother. And I am so glad.

That was 22 years ago and from that day on, Derek has never stopped challenging me. His very life was a challenge to be reckoned with. He challenged me to work hard in relationships, he challenged me in my pursuit of the Lord, and he challenged me to walk out my faith each day living with no regrets.

I want to love well. I want to live my life, fully knowing that when this life ends, I have done well.

Derek challenged me in life and still challenges me in death.

I miss him so much.

Santa

Santa is everywhere. We don’t make a big deal about him at all around our house. Our kids don’t expect Santa to come down the chimney that we don’t have. They don’t write a list with dreams that he will read it and fulfill their hearts desire. I’m not anti-Santa. I’m just very pro-Jesus.

Jesus Christ our Redeemer, the one who came as a baby, walked among us as a real Man becoming familiar with all of the struggles of this life, and then gave His very life so that I could be set free and welcomed into His family, deserves to be worshipped and adored. Christmas is a celebration of His life and the many gifts that He has given to each of us. It is a precious time of year where we marvel at the miracle of His life.

I give gifts to my children because I love them. I give to them out of a grateful heart for each life that the Father has entrusted to me. The gifts that I give to my children feel much like “Thank You Gifts to Jesus.”  As I pour my love out on my children through gifts that show them that they are loved and known, I feel such a sweet sense of worship flow out of my heart to the feet of the King of all Kings.

My children were surprised this year by a wonderful local organization that asked if they could send Santa to our house with gifts. They had chosen several families in the area who had medically fragile, homebound children.

So Santa came.

He came into my living room and gave to my children.

They were full of joy and gratitude. Emma said more times than I can count, “Thank you Santa. I love this!”

What a sweet memory this will be for my children, but not one that will remove their eyes from the reason that we celebrate.

Elia, who as you can see from the photos declared herself to be “too shy,” said later, “How did he know I liked horses? I can’t believe Santa knew I liked horses.”

Oh sweet girl, Santa knew you liked horses because Jesus who knows you from the inside out gave you a Momma who loves you from the inside out and cares about your heart’s desires.

 

The Story of My Life

I am glad I am not writing this story.

As much as I love to write, I am glad that the story of my life is being written by Someone Else.

I never could have dreamed this up.

Remember  junior high? Writing the names of boys on your note book? Or even try out “Mrs.” in front of your secret crush’s last name.

I think the Father smiled at that and chuckled knowing He didn’t need my help.

Remember discussing what job you would have? How many children you would have? Picking out their names?

It was fun. It was the stuff that childhood is made of, but all the while Someone Else was dreaming bigger than I ever could have.

And His dream was incredible.

Back when I was writing “Mrs. ______” (Can’t share all my secrets), He was writing Mrs. John Loux.

And oh my heart is so very glad.

This is the man He chose for me. He loves me well. Loves my children well.

This is the man that stopped and looked at me from across an enormous pile of laundry last week and said, “I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else. You know all the stuff you dream about, the stuff you think is so important. Music. Life on a stage. None of that matters compared to what we’re doing now. I wouldn’t change a thing.”

With tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat, I nodded, “Yes.”

And how many kids did you want? I think I wanted three.

I got three.

And then three more.

And then….

I was probably Isabelle’s age when I started dreaming about the family I would have one day.

I wonder what is inside this beautiful dreamer’s head.

I wonder what Someone Else is dreaming up in His head about her.

And for chapter of the story that I am now living, I will be forever grateful. Forever in awe.

Who could have dreamed something as magnificent as Matthias Samuel Loux.

Never in my wildest dreams.

But Someone Else did.

And I am glad.

So when it is hard, which is often. And when I feel stretched beyond what I could have ever imagined, which is nearly every day, I choose to fix my gaze upon the story in front of me and give thanks.

It is a good story.

Orphan Justice Center Book Release: “Redemption” by Tiffany Larson

“The Orphan Justice Center’s new hardback children’s book “Redemption,” a true adoption story, has now been released. You can buy it for $25 and all proceeds will go to the Orphan Justice Center. Please, won’t you think about buying one as a Christmas gift? It’s a beautiful book about the adoption of Derek and Renee’ Loux’s three boys from Eastern Europe. It will move your heart and will help children to understand more about God’s heart for his priceless ones…the orphan. And please help spread the word! Thanks so much!Lulu has a sale right now 25% of any order! Use the coupon code: COUNTDOWN at checkout.” CLICK HERE TO ORDER!

As a family we are approaching the 2nd anniversary of Derek’s death, and the pain of his loss is more real than ever. I am so blessed that the message of Derek’s life is going out in this book in a way that will reach the next generation and capture their hearts with passion to love and care for the orphan. I have watched my beautiful sister Renee’ continue to walk out the passionate dream that she and Derek carried deep in their hearts. She has walked it out with grace and beauty leaning on her beloved Jesus for strength. Not giving up, not setting down the torch. I am so blessed by the way she has carried her heart. I know that nothing would bless her more than to see 1000′s of these children’s books under Christmas tree’s this year, touching the hearts of children and families across the world.

The book “Redemption” was inspired not only by Derek and Renee’s journey to Ukraine, but also by this post that Derek wrote while in Ukraine adopting their boys. I’ve shared it before, but I feel the need to share it again.

From Derek and Renee’s Blog
Friday, December 12, 2008

“Renee’ and I are sitting in the office of a telephone company in Novograd Valenski, Ukraine, using wireless internet. We are in the middle of adopting three special needs boys from an orphanage here. Two of the boys have Down Syndrome. Roman is high functioning, energetic and happy. Dimitri has serious mental retardation, failure to thrive, and though he is five years old, he is the size of a 1 year old. He has sores on his face, a distinct smell of death on him, and yells out if we try to do anything with him other than hold him. Because he has less ability to respond and learn, he naturally gets less attention and care from the orphanage workers in this world of limited resources. The harsh reality of the “survival of the fittest” principle is a life and death struggle that this little boy is losing fast. Our third boy Sasha, is a brilliant six year old who has Spina Bifida (the condition our son Josiah died from in 1996). He is like a learning sponge that can’t get enough! He is happy and alert and thirsty for knowledge and experience. So with two of our boys, we get an immediate return on any investment we make. With Dimitri, there’s not much immediate gratification. In fact, it’s unknown when and if there will be a return at all. This is the kind of situation that makes the carnal, fallen, human reasoning think, “Why try? What’s the point? What will this produce? What good will this do? Why not select a boy who has more potential? This looks like a lost cause.

Two days ago we drove for hours into the Ukrainian countryside to the village where Dimitri was born. We met with officials there and signed papers and answered their questions. We also went and saw Dimitri’s house. The day had been long, we were still recovering from jet lag, I was beginning to really miss my six daughters at home and all the familiar things our fragile human hearts entangle themselves with in feeble attempts to feel secure. Sitting in the dark on our very long drive back to Novograd that night, the Holy Spirit began to whisper to my heart, and new understanding about redemption began to take shape.

I was thinking, “Man, adopting this little boy has been so much work. This is exhausting, expensive, uncomfortable … and it doesn’t feel very rewarding right now.” What am I doing in some little Soviet car in the dark, in the middle of rural Ukraine in frozen December, as the driver dodges cats and potholes? What if Dimitri doesn’t improve at all? What if we get “nothing” out of this? … Ahhh, there it was; that dark, fallen, unreedemed, selfish human love, rooted in the tree of the knowledge of “good and evil”. The love the Greeks called “erao” love. The love where we treat someone as precious and treasured for what we can get out of it. This is unlike “agapeo” love, the God kind of love that treats someone as treasured and precious for their good, not for my good. It’s when I love a person in order to meet their needs, having no expectation of them meeting any of my needs. At a whole new level, God is working His kind of love into my weak heart, and He’s using little Dimitri to do it.

On the drive home that night, the Lord whispered in my ear, “This is Redemption. Derek, do you know how far I travelled to get you and bring you back? I had to be separated from my Son, in order to get you, just like you are separated from your children in order to get these boys. Do you know how expensive it was for Me to purchase you? It cost me everything. Do you know how broken, sick, damaged, twisted, dirty, smelly, and hopeless you were? And at the end of it all, you had nothing to give me or add to me. I did it for you. I emptied myself and became nothing so that you could have it all. This is redemption.

My friends, adoption is redemption. It’s costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him. And when He redeems us, we can’t even really appreciate or comprehend it, just like Dimitri will never comprehend or fully appreciate what is about to happen to him … but … he will live in the fruit of it. As his Daddy, I will never expect him to understand all of this or even to thank me. I just want to watch him live in the benefits of my love and experience the joys of being an heir in my family. This is how our heavenly “Papa” feels towards us.

Today, settle your busy heart down and rest in the benefits of redemption. Enjoy the fruits of His goodness, and stop trying to “pay Him back”. You’ll never get close you goofy little kid.”