Capture Your Grief · Child Loss · christmas · Family · On My Heart · Uncategorized

The Vessles of Flesh and Blood


I couldn’t sleep last night, partly because the man beside me was snoring, and partly because of these people.

My people.

These faces dancing through my mind.

These beautiful ones squeezing my heart.

Maybe I’m getting old. Maybe life has just slowed me down and pounded me hard enough to further tenderize me.

Whatever it is, something inside of me is changing. I’m feeling all the feels.

One of my people is gone. My bright and sparkly boy. I was kind of addicted to his earthly vessel. The head full of silky, caramel brown curls, the deep brown eyes that charmed the world, his crooked index finger, his broad, sturdy scar-covered chest, his soft face, perfect toes, the tiniest nose that almost disappeared between his lushious cheeks. I can walk my mind across the canvas of his body and remember every beautiful stroke of beauty.

I miss him. Oh my heart and soul, I miss him. I ache with a deep ache, with a chest tightening ache that causes my breathe to stop momentarily.

And then I breathe again, because I am here in my house of flesh and blood. And with all that is within me, I breathe in life and hope. I allow my spirit to absorb his joy, his strength, his bravery, his kindness, and his soft, gentle peace. Nothing can take that away from me.

There are ten of us in this photo. Ten houses of flesh and blood. I could give you words to describe each of these beautiful ones. I know the map of their vessles. Their freckles, cowlicks, the shape of hands, the curve of a back, the texture of hair, the magical sparkly color of eyes. I know the place they land when they fall into my arms, the weight of the body, the beat of hearts, the smell of the curve of each neck. I know my people.

But the magic, oh the magic.

The magic is in the things you cannot see. The compassion, the wisdom, the wit, the passion, the strength, the creative souls, the hysterical antics, the brave hearts, kind hearted lovers of life, the dreamers. The magic is what makes my heart explode on a sleepless night. As I wrap my heart around these beautiful ones and soak up the beauty of who they are.

Who they are changes me, inspires me, challenges me, holds me up, and lifts me higher.

I love these vessles, and the one unseen. It is what they contain that gives me cause to breathe deeply and my heart to pause.

This is me, wishing you and your family a very beautiful and love – filled Christmas. May you treasure each moment and hold each memory close. May you soak up the beauty in vessles seen and unseen. Close your eyes for a moment and absorb the beauty of what cannot be seen in the flesh and blood vessels you call “family”.


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