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Knit Together By Adoption- Week 3

Knit Together By Adoption, Day 16, “Encouraging Words Spoken”

I remember the day. We sat on the floor in one of the kids bedrooms at Derek and Renée’s house (John’s brother and his wife).

It was just a few short weeks after bringing Emma and Aiden home from Ukraine. Bonding was hard work. And we were having one of those, “What the hell did we get ourselves into weeks.” I was feeling so inadequate. I was falling so short of any text book approach to bonding. I was no Karyn Purvis.

Derek said, “You guys, your weak love is better than no love at all.”

It was like a blanket of grace. I didn’t need to be perfect. I didn’t need to get it right every time. Love would rule in the end, love would overshadow all my short comings, all my temper tantrums, all my impatience and all my bad days.

So you, Momma and Daddy in the trenches. It’s ok if you blow it. Your weak love is a beautiful thing.

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Knit Together By Adoption, Day 17, “Messy”

Adoption is messy. It is physically, emotionally, and financially draining. There are unexpected twists and turns
Things you thought you knew but when push comes to shove, you find out you know very little. It’s not cookie cutter or text book. It’s very much a school of hard knocks experience.

We completed 4 adoptions in 3 1/2 years. Elia in 2007, Emma and Aiden in 2009, and Mattie in 2010. At the end of it all, I looked like the two photos on the left. I had never struggled with my weight before. My body was on high stress alert. Inflammation, joint pain, extreme head pain, lack of sleep, no energy. I was a driver though, a mover and a shaker and I had no choice but to keep moving. 2010-11 was spent in the hospital with Mattie for his traumatic first year of life. I didn’t have time for me (I didn’t make time for me). I was mess.

In July 2013 I was at the end of my strength. I landed myself in bed for 5 days, in too much pain to get up. I sent a text that changed my life and made a choice I will never regret.

The two photos on the right are me recently. Also after enduring a full year of stress and trauma, the worst ever, the loss of a child. My body carried me though because I had learned how to take care of it. Am I in prime physical shape like I was July 2014? No, probably not. Stress and pain settle in the body for sure during grief. But I can tell you this, had 8/21/14 occurred in the body I was walking in before, I do not know how I would have managed.

There is never a “too late” moment. I am passionate about helping people who are at the end, find a new beginning.

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Knit Together By Adoption, Day 18, “Need”

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A broad topic allowing me to go so many places, and I’ve been thinking about it all day. So I’m going here….

What do I NEED to do to adopt?

1. Get Educated- talk to adoptive parents, attend workshops, read books. Do not enter into the process lightly or without education.
2. Decide where? Research- Foster, Domestic, International.
3. Consider hiring a Consultant for support and guidance. #askmehow
4. Get Paper Ready. Homestudy. Possibly Dossier.
5. Be patient while you wait for a match or a referral, trust the process. Use this time to learn more.
6. Money- no, you don’t have to be rich to adopt but unless you adopt from foster care, it will cost money. Fundraise, apply for grants.
7. Create a safety net of support (especially if adopting internationally or an older child). Let people know you will need help. Gather them. Educate them. Let them know you need them.

Oh and you need a house, a bed, clothing and lots of love. And a healthy dose of patience.

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Knit Together By Adoption, Day 19, “Kids Say The Darndest Things”

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Ok, I waited all day for someone to say something crazy. And it hasn’t happened yet, BUT….

I’m changing this to DO the darndest things.

The best thing EVER just happened, a thing of my DREAMS!!!! I just opened the door to the bathroom to check on Aiden and see if he was done in the shower AND HE WAS FLEXING IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR IN DIFFERENT POSES!!!!

Seriously people, this is one of those things I would day dream about when he was little!!

He spent 3 years of his life in an orphanage and ate the most horrible diet. I love that he is strong and healthy and PROUD of it!!!

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Day 20 sick day for momma 😦

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Knit Together By Adoption, Day 21, “Sibling Bond”
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Ok, I waited all day for someone to say something crazy. And it hasn’t happened yet, BUT….

I’m changing this to DO the darndest things.

The best thing EVER just happened, a thing of my DREAMS!!!! I just opened the door to the bathroom to check on Aiden and see if he was done in the shower AND HE WAS FLEXING IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR IN DIFFERENT POSES!!!!

Seriously people, this is one of those things I would day dream about when he was little!!

He spent 3 years of his life in an orphanage and ate the most horrible diet. I love that he is strong and healthy and PROUD of it!!!

———————–

Knit Together By Adoption, Day 22, “Teen Years”

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Ahhh, I’ve raised teens. They are now three incredible grown adults. *Pats self on the back.*

And now these three run and play, jump on the trampoline, make me food out of playdough, play baseball in their room with a stuffed dog, flood the bathroom sink, and leave a trail of childhood through the house. In a few short years, we will be raising teens again. I don’t believe in dread. I believe in celebrating every stage of life. I think often of the crazy adventure of their toddler years, and can only imagine the beautiful, wild ride that’s ahead as they all turn 13 within the next 4 years.

 

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