Birthdays · Child Loss · Mattie

Four Octobers

I had four Octobers.

And if I’m totally honest, that just doesn’t feel like enough.

I’m grateful for our 1st October.


That was the October our lives were changed FOREVER. *see link

That was the October we fell in love.

And I’m grateful for our 2nd October.


That was the October we celebrated that he was finally HOME. *see link

After 11 months in the hospital, HE WAS HOME!

I’m grateful for our 3rd October.


That was the October that we CELEBRATED that he was strong and conquering the world. *see link above

He was off the ventilator and moving all over the place like a big boy!

I’m grateful for our 4th October.


That was the October we celebrated the MIRACLE! *see link

He was ALIVE! He was perfect. He was our joy, our magic, our inspiration.


I wanted more Octobers. I wanted more birthday parties. More celebrations of miraculous milestones.  I’m not going to force myself tonight on the eve of his birthday to come up with something more “hopeful” to say.

I’m over the moon grateful for every October.

I cherish every year, every month, ever day, every hour, every moment.

I just wanted more.


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