I’ve shared openly about my journey through grief with you.
And many of you know about my journey to good health and fitness. (HERE is a little back story if you don’t know that part of my journey.)
This picture was taken July 2014. It was the “prime” of my life in many ways. We were on our miracle vacation with Mattie, I was with my family who I hadn’t been able to see all together in 4 years. I was healthy, strong, and physically fit.
One month later disaster struck.
After Mattie’s death, I walked through the first 4 weeks in shock. Sometimes all I could do was get down a shake a couple times a day and take a few nibbles of something at dinner time. I was grateful for a strong body and nutritional solutions that were already part of my routine. I still lost 5 pounds in spite of making myself eat even when I didn’t feel like it.
We made our way back to the gym about 3 or 4 weeks after Mattie’s death. The gym was good therapy for us. It was something we knew how to do without thinking. When everything else was changing and we had little reserve, this was something we could at least feel good about. And we knew we had to take care of ourselves.
I worked hard with my online trainer Carol Elizabeth coaching me, as well has having John by my side at every workout. We were a team. We were doing the best we could to take care of ourselves so that we could take care of our family. We knew how to do that. We had learned the hard way what happens when we neglect ourselves.
This was my prime. I was kind of proud of those abs!
I had promised Mattie that I would keep on living and breathing.
He had taught me so much. I wasn’t going to quit.
Right before our trip to Pennsylvania in July, I felt my shoulder start to act up during my workouts. It would catch funny. One day when I took off my sports bra (if you’ve worn one, you know what a pain it can be to get one OFF when your muscles are fatigued and your body is sweaty), my shoulder pulled and the pain was intense.
I took a couple of weeks off to let it heal. BIG mistake there was “taking a few weeks off” of EVERYTHING. I was discouraged. We were approaching the 1 year mark of Mattie’s death and I was dealing with massive anxiety.
We went to Pennsylvania in July. I celebrated my 47th birthday and was so grateful that even with all that we were walking through in our grief journey, my physical body was carrying me through it (unlike in that before picture taken shortly after our Ukrainian adoptions when I was completely burnt out and overweight).
This is my baby brother with me.
We got home from Pennsylvania and my shoulder pain escalated. I went through a few weeks of massage, chiropractic and acupuncture. Weeks piled on top of weeks and I was discouraged. We hit the 1 year mark of our loss and it took me right out- August was just hard.
Along with not working out, a few bad habits started to creep in. Forgetting to eat (yes that’s a problem), eating too much in the evening, drinking wine every night.
This slow slide backwards caught up with me. Unwanted pounds crept back on; discouragement was huge. I had been stuck for about two months.
Let’s face it, I had QUIT in several areas of life.
But I had promised my son that I would not quit living. I kept hearing my own words, spoken out loud at his funeral, echo in my head.
About 2 weeks ago, I chose to say NO to those sneaky little bad eating habits. I did a two day nutritional cleanse to restart my body, and I got on top of the food problem. Easy, actually it really was once I decided! I know how to do that. I coach people every day for Pete’s sake. It was time to whip it into gear for me!
I also started a 45 Day Leadership Growth Challenge almost 2 weeks ago because in my head, well since my body was falling apart, I could at least get stronger in my business and leadership abilities. Little did I know, this course would challenge my fitness goals too. The nerve!! Ugh!
I had a light bulb moment this week, and I want to share it with you.
Here’s what had happened to me. My all or nothing personality had just caved to nothing when I couldn’t give 100% in the gym. I’m an all in kind of girl, and when I couldn’t give all, I quit.
That “give all or nothing” phrase should really be banned!
Here’s my light bulb moment: 100% of me today should not be compared to 100% of me prior to injury!
So here’s what I have decided. I will give 100% effort to workouts that my body is ABLE to do. I will do it with 100% attitude. It will be 100% of ME!
Sure I’ve had to consciously shut down negative self-talk multiple times this week. Sure I’ve had flashbacks of what 100% used to look like with a non-injured body, and if I let it, it makes me mad!
But today I gave 100%.
And tomorrow I will wake up and give 100% too.
Because I’m worth it!
Because 100% of me today is a WIN!
PS. You’re worth it too. And if you have any desire to make some lasting changes in your life by taking care of YOU, please send me a message on Facebook or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I’d love to have you join me!
PSS. To anyone worried about my shoulder. I’ve been to my physician and have an MRI scheduled. I promise I’m not using it in anyway that would cause further injury, and I’m doing light stretching daily.