I’m not sure how this works exactly, but I’ve been told it gets better.
Not easier. Just better.
I’m sure if you’re here for the long haul, you’ll see the shift, the slow and sure change from deep, unbearable grief, to sadness that lingers on for long months, to an empty spot that will change me forever.
I’m sure you’ll watch me transition from being totally broken, to being healed a little each day.
I’m sure you’ll watch me smile more and cry less.
We’re not there yet. We’re at the “holy sh**, this gets harder and harder each day” stage.
I’m not sure why you’re reading this.
Part of me fears that my blog is suddenly depressing, and you’ll tire of my naked heart.
Why do you read the ramblings of a broken woman?
Why do you?
Sure some of you know me intimately and you love me.
Some of you are my family.
Some of you are dear friends.
You won’t get tired of me. You don’t get to. You love me.
But what about you? You’ve never met me.
Why are you here?
Maybe you’ve followed our story for so long that it has become part of your own.
Maybe you fell in love with a little boy because of the words I’ve penned on these pages.
Maybe when I told you he was gone, your heart sunk to the bottom of your feet and you couldn’t catch your breath.
I don’t know why you’re here.
But I’m glad.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for letting me grieve out loud.
If you want to tell me why you’re here, I’d be glad to listen.
It helps me.
From Ann Whiston-Donaldson’s blogpost on What You Can Do To Help A Grieving Family, #19 is really important to me.
19. Even if you didn’t know the deceased, consider sharing what the deceased means to you NOW. Eternal life is, well, ETERNAL. Jack’s life is affecting people in ways we could never imagined, and we are blessed that so many people are making the effort to let us know, through emails, blog comments, letters, or person. This helps ease the sting. Have you had a dream about the person who passed away? Tell the family.
I’d love to hear your stories. How did my son change you? How did his life impact you?