Getting My Life Back

I know I’ve been quiet on here, but I really do have a lot to say, so expect more to come.

I remember a day when I kept up with peoples lives, mostly through blogs. People I loved. People I admired. People who encouraged me, inspired me, and challenged me.

And then Facebook came into our lives and it was easier to give people one liners, snapshots, or short blurbs about life.

I’m pretty real on Facebook, but there is nothing more real than sitting down and letting words flow out that truly express your heart.

I’d like to think that I’ve been vulnerable with you who read this blog, that I’ve been real and transparent. I have sure tried.

The reality of it all is that the past 5 years have been hard. If you’ve read this blog for that long, you know what I’m talking about.

Two simultaneous international adoptions in 2009, acclimating two beautiful children to a life that was big and scary.


Walking them through grief and fear and pain.  It is not a pretty picture. Redemption is not a fairy tale. It is nose to the grid stone, cry out to God in the night, messy and hard. Plain hard. Healing happens slowly sometimes and with our children it was  years of loving that brought (and is bringing) healing.  Parenting children from hard places brings on a weariness that is hard to compare to anything else. Yes there is joy in seeing redemption slowly unfold but it is slow. Just plain slow.

And sometimes LOVE is hard work.


Then Derek’s death. A tragedy like that sets your world upside down. I told someone today, “Grief has no rule book.” Grief happens. It happens in the immediate loss and in lingers and linger and lingers and seeps into all of the corners and crevices of life. Our hearts ached, our spirits were wounded, we were forced to make sense of something that could not possibly make sense. The weight of grief can be crushing.

10 months later, Mattie was born.  Little did we know….



Our beautiful son would spend the next year of his life in the hospital.



We would rally around him time and time again. We would love him from death to life. We would whisper into his ear, “You are brave. You are strong! You will LIVE and not DIE!”



There was so much joy. So much to be grateful for. We were so blessed.




And there were terrifying moments when you can only whisper out a “HELP GOD” kind of prayer.


And incredible celebrations! Of new life and hope!




And so much deep pain. Unspeakable pain. Valley of the Shadow of Death kind of pain.


And then more joy! More LOVE! More to CELEBRATE!




So when I attempt to share how I was feeling in June of 2013 after Mattie’s worst hospital stay ever, I can hardly find the words.

I was a dead woman walking. I was moving one foot in front of the other, but I was not well. Emotionally, physically and spiritually.

My heart loved the One who created me. I knew that He had been faithful to heal my son. But I was broken down so much emotionally and physically that finding a place for my spirit to be at peace was impossible. I needed something to change.

Just before I turned 45 in July, I ended up in bed, completely shut down with a migraine that lasted for nearly a week. I saw a doctor and taking stock of my health was very frightening. So when my friend Carolyn shared with me about a health program that could help me feel better, I was desperate and I just jumped in. Believe it or not, I didn’t research it, or study or anything, I just trusted her and dove in. I was too tired to do more than say yes.

And I got my life back. My body woke up. I lost weight. And I was feeling strong and alive again.

Funny thing how the spirit, mind and body are so interwoven. We were created that way. One impacting the other, impacting the other.

So as my body began to heal, my mind became clearer and my spirit was open to hear and learn and grow again too.

This whole Isagenix thing isn’t about me. It’s not a “look what I did” kind of thing for me. Yes, I set goals. Yes, I am achieving them. This whole journey has been about me breaking free of old mindsets, conquering fears, taking care of myself so that I can love deeply, serve well, and give in big ways.

Those are my goals.




That being said, I want to offer you hope. Hope for a stronger, healthier you. Hope to be your very best. There is HOPE! The inner workings that have occurred in my life as I have chosen to take care of this body that I’ve been given are unbelievable. My relationships are better because my mind is not caught up with discouragement and depression. My spiritual life is growing deeper as my mind is being set free. It’s cyclical: Body, Mind, and Spirit. Each impacting the other.

Getting FREE feels so good! This 30 day cleanse has cleansed me of more than “environmental toxins” in the physical sense.

It has cleansed me of toxins that plagued my mind and my spirit.

And it’s not about ME because my deepest heart desire is to use what I have learned to challenge, inspire and help YOU!




4 thoughts on “Getting My Life Back

  1. help…
    I’m so there. Adoption has blessed my life in so many ways, you know that. God has taken us on an incredible journey, and I wouldn’t change a thing. We have seen His faithfulness in ways I could have never imagined had we not said “yes”.
    But I’m tired, down deep, tired. No motivation, very little happy. The last few years kind of sucked the rest of the wind out of my sail, and now I’m just stuck. Uggg, sorry for sharing this. Your second paragraph is where I was a few years ago also, now, there’s just nothing to write about…

  2. Tracie, you look amazing! 😉 Adopt Agenix. I love it! I appreciate your emphasizing our triune image.

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