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Love and Marriage

Frank Sinatra sang,

“Love and marriage, love and marriage, 
Go together like a horse and carriage. 
This I tell ya, brother, you can’t have one without the other. 

Love and marriage, love and marriage, 
It’s an institute you can’t disparage. 
Ask the local gentry and they will say it’s elementary. 

Try, try, try to separate them, it’s an illusion. 
Try, try, try and you only come to this conclusion: 

Love and marriage, love and marriage, 
Go together like a horse and carriage. 
Dad was told by mother you can’t have one 
You can’t have none. 
You can’t have one without the other.”

CAHN, SAMMY / VAN HEUSEN, JIMMY

2-02-a-sinatra

Oh Frank, dear Frank, if only it were that simple.

We fell in love, and we thought we knew what it meant.

We knew enough to look into each other’s eyes and say the words.

We knew enough to do things to love and serve each other, demonstrating those words.

We new enough to listen to each other and try to understand each other’s hearts…. most of the time.

Love and Marriage.

Yes, the Love is important.

But the determination to stick to it, to throw out huge amounts of grace…

The part about faithfulness in the midst of hardship…

It’s partly about Love, but mostly about grace and mercy and forgiveness.

I suppose you can’t forgive and walk in grace without Love. So yes, Frank… Love and Marriage.

But dear ones, Love is not all roses, hearts, walks in the park, and dancing in the moonlight.

That “for better or worse” thing. It was a vow.

I took it really seriously.

I’m stubborn that way.

I’m not a quitter.

Early in our marriage it was about unpacking baggage, getting healed, and not projecting my own pain on the one I married.

But he was there, it was easy to take it out on him. I was there, it was easy for him to take it out on me.

It was ugly some days. My ugly rearing up against his ugly.

Somehow we clung to each other and worked through it.

Learn to love each other better. Really learned how to forgive.

I value things that I have worked hard for. I worked hard for this. For 23 years, I’ve worked hard for this.

As we grow older, we’ve had to learn to protect and guard our marriage in new ways.

We’re always working at it. Trying to do it better. Love and Marriage.

We sat tonight at dinner and talked about what has held us together.

I asked John. He said, “Friendship, Laughter, and Forgiveness.”

Truth.

The “better” is great, everyone loves the “better” part of marriage.

The “worse” is just plain hard. It hurts. It’s scary. It takes work.

It takes grace and mercy and forgiveness.

And it’s worth it.

Love and Marriage.

23 years of it.

 

3 thoughts on “Love and Marriage

  1. Congratulations! We’re only a year and half behind you. I always tell my kids that the only reason we didn’t get divorced the first five years of marriage because both of us were too stubborn to admit we might have gotten married before we were ready…LOL! Great insights into sticking it out. As Christians we need to regard God as our spouses father, if you see your father-in-law watching how you are treating your spouse, his child, it makes you kinder and more forgiving because you want to please God, not because you feel like it at times. Right now we are going through “surprise” breakups of long-term marriages we thought looked good on the outside. Wishing more people would be willing to say they are having a hard time and need help before they decide it’s not worth working on any more!

  2. We are just 2 months shy of celebrating our 23rd year of marriage too! Congrats!! It certainly is not easy to make it this far! We too have seen surprise divorces and remarriage out of left field happen in the last couple of years! It is heart breaking! So thankful that God’s love and grace is the model we have chosen to follow in our marriage! Along with the Godly people God brought along our sides to support us and love is through the really tough times to be His voice and example to us!

    I also wholeheartedly agree with MamaPoRuski said above! Wonderful!!

  3. Have been lurking for a time…
    Your blog posts are aimed at the heart.
    I have been married for 31 yrs. this past 12 JUNE.
    Our marriage is in deep trouble…Hubby wants to be
    happy and left at end of May to get his head cleared. Didn’t
    talk to me on our 31st….I always tried, or thought I tried to
    make a good home..homeschooled our sons and taught them
    to LOVE the LORD and follow Him…Hubby had been in ministry.
    Great Bible teacher and now does his own thing….
    Heartbroken, but God keeps His promises and He will Heal this
    event as well….
    Keep loving each other and keep talking and keep JESUS as the
    center of your lives….and PRAY
    Thank you so much for sharing your heart in your posts….Even lurkers
    like me are stretched in our faith by reading how the Lord works in your
    life…
    Love from NC

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