Amidst all of the beautiful chaos, life continues. Jobs keep being worked, bills keep getting paid, relationships keep getting poured into and God keeps speaking. It’s a lot and it’s wonderful and it’s too much and it’s the perfect amount.
And while I have thousands of on-going lists in my head, ridged self-imposed schedules and what feels like being in the middle of 14 epic games of chess, wouldn’t it follow that I would become the most aware and convicted of my sin? (If you’re saying “Huh?” to yourself right now, welcome to the mystery of God.)
Doesn’t it just feel like the essence of God to gently lodge the most beautiful, sobering arrow into our hearts in the middle of rush hour at Grand Central Station?
It does to me. This is my experience and it doesn’t feel bad. It just feels real. And appropriate. Why appropriate? Because I’m getting married. Because I’m about to take the most solemn and happy vows of my life and bind myself to another person.
I’m going to stand before Nick and God and all my friends and family and promise to love him and fully give myself to him through the better and the worst. The “better’s” easy. The “better’s” simple. A baby could do the “better”.
What is the worst? The worst for me; the boogie man in my closet; the achilles heel of my life is my cynicism, my skepticism, my criticism and my apathy.
So what am I thinking of when I say these solemn and weighty words? I’m saying to Nick that,
“I will rejoice and celebrate the happiness of life and all it’s wonderful occasions with you. I will tell you the truth when all you want to do is believe a lie. I will ask God what He thinks about you and tell you as much as I can. I will give you my strength and I will not hide my weakness from you. And when I’m tempted to think harsh things and say mean things, I will flee from those temptations. I know this will be hard for me because I’ve done it my entire life. But you are my treasured possession and worthy of my kindness, my gentleness and my self-control. All things are possible with God, even taking the most critical and apathetic heart and turing it into a fountain of hope and vision.”
I can make these vows in 4 days with total confidence, because God is gracious. And all things are possible with Him. Even now I can feel him putting wedding shoes on my achilles heel.
From her blog “Nothing Gold Can Stay”