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“Why I Gave a Boatload of Money to Adoption”- guest post (part 1)

Yesterday I saw an adoptive-mom friend quoted a gazillion times on Facebook. This is what she said:

“When a family seeks help in raising funds for an adoption, it’s not like asking people to pitch in toward a new boat, or help pay for a vacation. What they are doing is committing to heal, with God’s help, a child who has suffered the profound damage of being unwanted and unloved. They are obediently living out the command given in James 1:27 to care for the orphan, clothing the gospel of Christ’s redemption in flesh and blood and now. When they ask for the body of Christ to come alongside them financially and prayerfully, they are giving us the opportunity to be a part of the miracles God works through obedience.” -Ashley Paradis Moreno 

(Post Script: This quote was made in reference to this individual’s experience with international adoption, specifically in reference to children in orphanages and institutions. I will note that I certainly do not agree that ALL children who are adopted have “suffered the profound damage of being unwanted or unloved,” but for many this has been the sad and devastating reality. There are MANY children who are place for adoption due to birth families who have made very brave and loving plans for their adoption.)

This quote got a lot of attention. Too many of us who have begun fundraising for adoption and have heard things like, “If people can’t afford what it costs to adopt, they shouldn’t adopt,” or even worse…rather horribly said to a friend of mine, “How come when YOU hear from God, it costs ME money?” 

Enough of that rubbish! Ugh!

I’ve asked a few very dear people to share on the subject of giving to adoption. I’ve asked them to share because over the past several years, they have given extravagantly to our adoptions. I emailed each of them:

“I have a favor. It’s a writing assignment, should you choose to take on this task. Could you, would you PLEASE write a guest post for my blog. “Why I Gave a Boatload of Money to Adoption.” Share why you gave extravagantly and why you DON’T have the, “If you want to adopt those kids, why are you asking me for money, you should be able to afford it” mindset.”

This is part one of what I hope to be at least a three part series.


Why Do I Give A Boatload Of Money To Adoption?

 I’m a 54 year old male.

 My hair is grey.

 My hair used to be brown.

 I have a goatee.

 I don’t understand tightwads.

 I’m a salesman.

 I sell folding chairs.

 I have a wife and two grown daughters.

 I like to laugh.

 I have three wonderful grandchildren.

 I’ve made some money.

 I’ve lost some money.

 The odometer reads 200,000

 I believe in rescue.

 I have to believe in rescue.

 I never thought to ask the question why.

 I never thought to ask for a financial statement.

 I was being asked to help redeem a life.

 I love freeing a heart.

 I believe adoptive parents are the heroes.

 I love extravagance.

 I have no regrets.

 I felt honored in the giving.

 Our giving travels outside of time and space.

 I know that extravagance has eternal value.

 I have joy in the giving.

 I see the faces of the redeemed.

 Burning delight.

 It’s a drink of beauty.

 It’s not about reason.

 It’s about joy.

 Joy.

 -Anonymous-

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23 thoughts on ““Why I Gave a Boatload of Money to Adoption”- guest post (part 1)

  1. We gave in the process of raising funds for our own adoption… And we continue to support adoptive families. It makes sense. Really, I was called to adopt and you weren’t, you were still called to help the orphan so give $10 or more if you can afford it. Can’t afford $10? Offer to babysit for free or give a coupon for 2 hours of free cleaning and hound them until they let you clean… You know the laundry is never done in a family of more than 4? Keep in mind the true adoption journey begins once the child(ren) are home. God has called us all to come along side the orphan. Be a blessing if nothing else.

  2. I was reading this to my husband and actually started crying. I really don’t know that I’ve ever read a more beautiful poem. Thank you so much for sharing. And thank you so much Anonymous because that was amazing and your heart will change the hearts of others.

  3. Love this post and Ditto to Melanie’s response. I like to tell people that the Biblical mandate to care for the orphan and widow is not a request, it’s a command. However, I recognize that we are not all called to adopt. But we are all called to care for the least of these. There are so many ways to do that. Financial blessing is one of those ways.

  4. Tammi, I think you are very wise to give people an opportunity to understand your position. Ignorance is not evil…it is just ignorance. Good luck to all of you who are able to commit so completely to a child in need of a family.

  5. Thanks so much for this. How do you explain what God puts on your hearts. How do you explain how adoptive families are kind of like missionaries who also recieve a “calling”.

    MY OWN STORY: We have known for years that we would eventually add to our family through adoption. We have been caring for sick relatives, encountered job changes and always had thousands of excuses ( to put it off). However this past Summer we could not get around the overwhelming “call” (if you want to call it that). So, we gutted our retirement and took the plunge for fund our adoption (in progress) for our little boy from China. We are still a few thousand short but know the Lord will provide. We have not asked any friends or family for money. I can’t explain why…we just don’t feel comfortable with it. Our parents have given to us a little and so has our church ( they came to us and we did not ask). A lot of our friends are struggling financially right now and we feel pretty blessed to be able to fund so much of it ourselves without a loan. We are totally upside down on our house….so there was no equity to borrow from. The rest of the money will come. Thankfully…we do a least have a nice home for our son to come to, so we can’t complain. We also have good health insurance…… and we will need it. Our “son” has spina bifida.

    We get so many questions and some are pretty really insensitive: “Why are you spending all that money on a Chinese kid when you can get one free frome here” and ” There are so many kids that need homes in America, it seems cruel to not help one from here”. ( To this group, I usually say that I am glad they are so passionate and ask them when they plan to start their domestic adoption or become a Foster parent…..usually answered by silence). It is frustrating but I try not to show it and explain it the best way that I can. We are simply following what we believe is the direction that God has laid out for our lives. We have friends called to Foster Care. It is a different calling. Our friends that have responded to that calling are our most supportive friends for foreign adoption. They get it. It is a different calling.

    For us, we live in an area of a larger than normal population of children adopted from China. I know 5 families with children adopted from China. They are my children’s good friends. We have a family friend who worked in China her entire adult life. My children usually chose China when they have a country to report on for school. My girls always pick the Asian versian of every doll. We attend festivals and watch movies about China. We love to hear missionaries from China. We are completely fasinated by the culture and saddened by the spirituatal darkness of that country. We did briefly looked at domestic adoption (BTW….it is not “free”) and we looked at other countries but our hearts were drawn to China. We have friends who have had the same experience with Ethiopia and the Ukraine.

    I say all of this only to tell you that when you are helping a family with adoption, you have helped support a mission. For these families, adoption has become their life mission. The physical, social, intellectual, and spiritual well being of that child is their mission. But it will not stop there. One adoptive mom told me that she was asked by an orphanage worker in her child’s home country, “Why do Americans want to adopt the children we don’t want? They are broken and will need much care and require much money”

    To that she was able to share the gospel of Christ and explain how we are all “broken” but there is a Father who will adopt us all in Heaven.

    Please support adoptive families with prayer, domestic help, donating frequent flyer miles, “baby” showers, fund-raisers and of course, any financial donation that is laid upon your heart.

  6. We adopted 2 children and can’t imagine having asked someone to donate money to us. I was called to do it also, but didn’t expect anyone to pay for it. It was our responsibility and if someone can’t afford to pay for it, they will likely be unable to provide what the child needs either.

    If you feel called to help, but you don’t choose to adopt for yourself, then help out in meeting the needs of the children stuck in foster care. There are tons of children’s homes that would love your support. You can even mentor an older foster child and help provide some things for them. How about paying for sports, music, or dance lessons for a foster child.

    Would you ask someone to help pay for fertility treatments? Certainly not. Choosing to become a parent is a personal choice regardless of whether it is by traditional means or adoption. If you have been called to do it, God will provide what you need.

  7. I struggle with the opening paragraph above.

    All children up for adoption are not “unwanted” or “unloved”. Many times, the birth mother is giving the child up for adoption because she loves the child so much, but knows she cannot care for him/her.

  8. Absolutely agree, Louise. This individual was speaking to her experience with international adoption (orphanages and institutions). I should have noted that. I have personally worked in domestic adoption for over 5 years (adopting twice domestically myself) and know very well that many adoption plans are made out of EXTREME love. Thank you for your comment.

  9. This series was actually written by individuals sharing their joy in giving to adoption, not by individuals who have done fundraising for adoption.

  10. Hi thebeautygal,

    I felt a need to leave a comment. I take exception to the idea that if a couple can’t afford to pay what amounts to the cost of buying a new car in adoption fees they can’t afford to raise kids. As a mother yourself, you know that the financial demands of raising kids doesn’t often come in the thousands of dollars that an adoption does. When I was younger I planned on adopting, but could never get the money together all at once, so it never happened. When I began to see families coming together to help other families adopt, I was brokenhearted, knowing I missed my opportunity needlessly.

    There is another thing at work here, as well. I don’t know you, but I know Tracie. She is a devout Christian, as am I. We take our faith seriously, and that brings certain dynamics into play that aren’t there in other relationships. The Bible talks of believers as being the Body of Christ, meaning in a spiritual sense we are all part of one big entity. That means that when Tracie is called to adopt children, as my spiritual sister and fellow body-part, if you will, I feel called to help her, as we are one. To suggest I shouldn’t help her is the same as saying my right hand shouldn’t scratch the itch on my left hand. Pretty silly, isn’t it? When I first helped Tracie fund her adoptions, we had never met; she never asked me for a dime. However, I felt the tug to help bring home the precious little boy she was willing to travel half-way around the world to get. I don’t count it as an imposition, but as a privilege.

    As to if I would help someone pay for fertility treatments? I’ve never thought of it before, but if the circumstances were right, I might. When my sister or brother hurts, and is in need, I help as I can. When one part of my body hurts, I do what is needed to make it feel better.

    To get a fuller concept of why I support other people’s adoptions, you might want to read part 4 of this series. I wrote that one. For a different perspective on it, my husband’s post is part 2. While you’re at it, you might want to read all 5 parts of the series. There are different perspectives on the same thing, and it might help you understand. It’s really a beautiful thing to see how God is knitting together an extended family with enough love for everyone.

  11. I have to admit I have concerns about parts of the poem:

    “For example, I believe in rescue. I have to believe in rescue.”

    Please don’t make your child feel that you rescued them.

    “I was being asked to help redeem a life……I see the faces of the redeemed.”

    I don’t think any adoptee I know, IA or DIA, considers themselves “redeemed” by adoption. It makes us sound as if we were freed from damnation by being adopted. Perhaps it is just the choice of words.

  12. “I should have noted that. I have personally worked in domestic adoption for over 5 years (adopting twice domestically myself) and know very well that many adoption plans are made out of EXTREME love”

    That is true. However, it is sad that many of those very loving bmothers received counselling at the very start aimed at making them feel selfish for even considering parenting. The motives of this counselling is designed purely to increase the numbers of newborns available for adoption, something admitted by the organisation themselves (NCFA). I have done this counselling course and can attest to its coercive nature. All counselling for adoption should be individual to the needs of both child/mother and she should receive unbiased care. I hope very much Tracey that this latter type of counselling is the type you came in contact with. There are some good agencies out there but there are others that aren’t so good.

  13. Catherine,
    I work very diligently to connect with agencies that provide incredible birthmom care, regardless of whether the choice is to make an adoption plan or to parent. I completely agree that counseling should be unbiased! 🙂

  14. Catherine,
    I actually have talked to many adoptees who do feel very very grateful and blessed by their adoption, and do feel “redeemed.” Two of my own children were in languish and would have died at a young age, but are now growing and thriving in a family full of love. Not freed from “damnation” as you mention, but certainly freed from a life of pain and what would have been death.
    Do I tell them they were “rescued”? No, I tell them they are loved and chosen and that their lives are precious and beautiful and full of value.

    So yes, two of my children were rescued, and the writer of this poem was part of making that rescue possible.

    But, no my children will only know that they were loved and chosen. Though they will hear the story and know the journey, and if one day they may choose to see it as a “rescue.”

    Blessings to you!

  15. Thank you for writing this. I randomly came across it when I was google searching how to raise money for adoption. We are currently in the process of raising money for up our adoption, and lemme tell ya…people just do not…or will not…give. We only need 4000 bucks for the agency we are going through. You’d think it wouldn’t be hard to get that, but it is proving to be incredibly challenging!

    Thank you for your heart and for your willingness to help I feel the eyes watching me, judging us and thinking that if we don’t have the money ourselves then we shouldn’t be adopting…it’s so tough! This was encouraging to read. So thank you!

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