Fix It

If you’ve ever had to trust your child’s life to the hands of surgeon, you know how utterly faith-shaking and potentially faith-building that experience can be.

As a mother, it is engrained into the very fiber of my being to want to fix things for my children.

Some things I can fix.

Some things I can make all better.

A few kind words after a hard day, a kiss on a skinned up knee, a popsicle for a sore throat, a hug after a child’s feelings have been hurt, a little glue on a broken toy, a solution to a problem, help with frustrating homework… those things I can fix. Those things I can make all better.

And there are times when… I. CAN’T. FIX. IT.

I just can’t.

And I have to trust and lean hard on the wisdom and experience of others, and more importantly on the kindness and strength of the Father.

Mattie’s heart was broken. It had an enormous hole and things were not right. I couldn’t fix it.

Twice I handed my son over to a surgeon and each time I wanted to cry out to him, “FIX THIS! SAVE MY SON! He must live and not die. Do you know how precious this life is to me?”

I didn’t say those things.

I kissed my son’s head.

And I prayed.

I prayed, “GOD, FIX THIS! SAVE MY SON! LET HIM LIVE AND NOT DIE. I know that You know the plans that you have for his life, and I believe that they are plans to prosper him and not to harm him. I believe that every day ordained for my son was written in Your Book before one of them came to be. Father, let him live.”

I mustered up all the faith I could and whispered my prayer, and I held my breath, because sometimes I forget to breathe.

And he lived. And I took a deep breath. And I gave thanks to the One who created him.

And I will always and forever look at that surgeon with tears in my eyes, full of gratitude for the gift that the Father gave him, when He created him with hands to heal.

And with every living, breathing, joyful moment of my precious son’s life, I worship the Creator.

photos courtesy of Aaron James at Sidestreet Photography


4 thoughts on “Fix It

  1. perfectly put. i love how you articulate, tracie.
    he is such a precious bundle of creation, that boy!

  2. OH AMEN!!! Our kiddos have only had what is considered minor surgeries…..and my heart had a hard time. But your faith in God is evidenced through what you know to be true. He alone created our children. He alone heals and gives wisdom.

    PRAISE GOD FOR MATTIE and all the other beautiful children that GOD created and healed!!!!

  3. Amen Tracie! So very well put!! So thankful we have an awesome God who is so much and best of all the Great Physician! I have watched my daughter under go to very simple and easy surgeries and also a foster daughter. The human part of me freaks out a bit every time, but am so thankful we have God’s promises to lean on! I don’t know how parents who are not Christian’s make it through things like this! I marvel at the strength God has given you, your family and most of all precious little Mattie!

  4. What a Blessing Tracie. This blessed my soul and showed me I am not having the faith I should through Greysons Health Issues we are dealing with I have let anger,resentment,and frustrations overwhelm me instead of having faith,determination,strength and happiness and joy I having my precious son. Thanks for posting your a such a inspiration to me

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