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Broken Love

 

You do not have to love me.  You don’t have to even care. You can punish me and throw your punches. I can take it. I’m pretty tough.

If your heart becomes confused and overwhelmed, you have a safe place here to work it out.  I’m teaching myself how to sort it out. Working hard not to take it personally. Working hard to love the you I see inside and not push away the you that hurts me.

I’m not entirely invincible, so sometimes I cave. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I lash out with words that make it worse. I wish I was a perfect Mom. I’m not. But I’m your mom, and I will fight for your heart.

So broken. Torn apart before you took your first breath in a womb that was not safe. You gasped. You cried. You flailed. You were left alone, broken.

And now I’m here trying to hold the broken pieces in my hands. Holding them out before me to the One, the only One, who can take them and breathe on them the breath  of Life that makes all things new.

I pray. Desperately crying out for the strength to love.  In my own strength, I’m a hopeless case. But I lean on One who is the hope of all mankind, and I fight to love because He fought for me.

And because you my dear are worth it.

17 thoughts on “Broken Love

  1. Crying……because I totally get it. BUT GOD IS GREATER and that is the ONLY thing I can cling to- EVER!!!!! PRAISE GOD for our babes!!!! 🙂 What would we do without them???

  2. Tracie that was right on time and so beautiful! Thank you for being so vulnerable, we may never meet in person but GOD has used you to teach me so much….Our FATHER sees, hears, and cries with all the mama tears that are shed and HE will strengthen you and guide you through it all…
    Thank you!

  3. You are courageous and competitive. You will never lose. You will battle the flesh and win. He, our God, is your strong tower and your strength and refuge. He has equipped you, and we will stand behind you always!
    Love, Mom and Dad

  4. First I must say I love you. You amaze me, inspire me and many, many others as well. Your love of words I like to think, came from your Uncle Max, who truly loved the English language as much as you do~ but you have a unique and artisitc gift in how you use those words to help and influence others. You use them to teach, to be vulnerable, to be authentic, and at times, quite funny.
    Your words do not fall on deaf ears, but are absorbed, recycled and passed on to people who need them. While admitting your imprefections, you release what we think are flaws unique only to ourselves ~ and we realize we are not alone. On the days when you need answers, remember your own words, be gentle with yourself and just…..breathe. I will always reserve some of my energy that I will keep tucked in my heart, just…..for….you, just in case….
    annie

  5. Thank you for sharing that Tracie. It’s so hard sometimes… Praying for all of the broken hearts, the ones we love, and the ones we don’t know…

  6. Yes, I did! I’m so excited about the possibility of that for Emma. I’m in touch with another similar dog trainer regarding this.

  7. I couldn’t have said this better myself. Glad to know there are other moms out there just like me. My adopted daughter has Fetal Alcohol Effect. I am going to have to check that link out as well. It could be something that could help my daughter as well.

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