The other day I was holding Mattie and having a lovely time with my sweet son and I thought, “Man, he is such an easy baby!” The moment I whispered this thought, I started to giggle. Yes, my baby is an “easy baby” if you overlook the 11 month hospital stay, the numerous surgeries and illnesses, the feeding tube, the tracheostomy, the ventilator, the 12+ medications that he is on, and the fact that he needs frequent life saving intervention to keep him breathing.
If you look closely, you’ll see that he is an easy baby. When I fix my gaze in tight, he is just my sweet, precious Mattie. Full of wonder. He is the boy who would rather play with a human face than a toy. He is easily comforted, sleeps through the night, has a regular daytime nap schedule, easily entertains himself on his play mat, and loves to be snuggled in close.
If you back up you will see this- a very complicated, medically complex child. This is how we roll. That red bag, well that’s our emergency care bag with everything inside to deal with minor and major medical issues.The grey bag, that’s his suction machine (sounds like a small lawnmower) and is used to get secretions out of his airway since he can’t cough them up on his own. And then there’s the oxygen, the vent, and the monitor. Underneath are batteries and power cords in case we have to “plug in” somewhere to recharge.
I could focus on that, but I chose to look at Mattie and see my child, my son, an irreplaceable part of our family. A family that enjoys life together.
I am always aware of the extreme, I am fully attentive to the all of the beeps and alarms and signs of trauma. I know how complicated my child is, how “un-easy” this journey has been and will be for the next year or so. But I will not let the “extreme” define who my son is or who we are as a family.
My son is Matthias Samuel Loux, joy-bringer, world-changer, and giver of love. A little boy who would rather snuggle in and stroke my face than hear the bells and whistle of fancy children’s toys. A little boy who turns his head at the sound of the voices of each one of his brothers and sisters and greets them with pure delight in his face with a smile that stretches from ear to ear.
And you. What about you? Do you define yourself by your limitations? Do you see the complicated issues in your life and let your focus linger there so long that you can’t see beyond the mess? Or do you see the beautiful, irreplaceable person that God created you to be. Do you see the joy and beauty that only you can bring into this world because there is simply not another one just like you?
Look harder, tighten the lens of your view finder and tell me what you see.