“I Don’t Understand Your Ways, But I Will Give You My Song”

Yep, that’s my husband. The one in the recliner. The one with the leg brace. Yep, that’s my right hand man.

On Thursday, John took a step down one of our flights of stairs and his knee turned in a way that it was NOT supposed to. I got a frantic text from my big kids saying, “Mom come home. Dad fell and thinks he dislocated his knee.” May I pause for a moment and say that I WISH he had dislocated his knee. I wish I wish I wish.

I rushed home from the hospital where I had been visiting Mattie to find John with a hugely swollen knee in excruciating pain. After trying to move him upstairs to bed (thinking we’d go to the doctor in the morning), he was in so much pain that we decided a trip to the ER was in order. We rigged up a leg splint and slid him into the middle seat of our old mini-van- no easy task- and I took him to the ER.

After a 2 hour waiting room wait, another 2 hours of waiting in the exam room, and then several hours of x-rays, specialists, and so forth, we were told that they were going to admit him and do surgery on his knee in the morning. (We had arrived at the ER at 9PM on Thursday and it was 5:30AM on Friday when this decision was made.) Apparently when John twisted on that stair, he tore the patellar tendon in his knee. The tendon that holds the patella (knee cap) in place, so his knee cap was literally floating in there and the tendons that support it were completely severed. The surgeon later told me that it was like sewing spaghetti.

Inhale. So what this means for us is that my hubby, who quit his full time job just prior to Mattie’s birth, anticipating that one of us would need to focus full time on the children and the household management, is completely incapacitated for the next several months. Inhale. Exhale.

These are the lyrics that went through my head the day of surgery and remain there even now.

I don’t understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways

Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I’m not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I’m desperate in seeking, frantic believing
That the sight of Your face
Is all that I need
I will say to You

It’s gonna be worth it
It’s gonna be worth it
It’s gonna be worth it all
I believe this
It’s gonna be worth it
It’s gonna be worth it
It’s gonna be worth it all
I believe this

You’re gonna be worth it
You’re gonna be worth it
You’re gonna be worth it all
I believe this
You’re gonna be worth it
You’re gonna be worth it
You’re gonna be worth it all
I believe this
-Rita Springer

I don’t understand, but I will give Him my song. He is so worth it.

I am now in the process of leaning hard on others to help us through this season. Several friends are working to help with a schedule for meals for us for a few weeks and help with the children for the summer. I am blessed to have people who love us well, stepping up to give and support during this season.

I’ve been asked so  many times what people can do to help so I’m going to tell you. Hard as it is to ask for help, I’m asking.

1. If you’re local and want to deliver a meal there is a website to sign up: http://www.takethemameal.com/ Sign in: LOUX Password: 1234
2. If you’re not local and want to help in the area of food, a friend suggested gift cards for groceries (Target/Sam’s Club) or gift cards for takeout at restaurants. (Our address is under our contact information on this blog)
3. Our paypal button is up, so if you want to just give financially you may do it that way or for tax deductible giving send checks payable to Tekoa 211 mailed to our home address.
4. Pray for our child care schedule for the summer to get filled in.
5. Pray for JOHN: healing, quick recovery, relief from pain that he is in post-surgery and for the Lord to really bless him during this season of rest.
6. Pray for ME: for strength to balance work, the household, our children and carrying for John.
7. Pray for OUR CHILDREN: for them to feel secure and well loved during this time.
8. Continue to pray for MATTIE: who will most likely have his next heart surgery during John’s recovery.

The older kids and I had an incredible time of prayer for John on Friday night and the Lord really encouraged each of us and spoke clearly to us about His plans for us in this season. We are all guarding our hearts and choosing to remain soft before the Lord and open to all that He wants to do in us as a family right now. Over and over as we prayed and sang together we declared that HE is a GOOD GOD. A GOOD FATHER. We know that He loves us and longs to heal each of us and bring us into a deeper walk with Him.


9 thoughts on ““I Don’t Understand Your Ways, But I Will Give You My Song”

  1. Praying for healing for the man of the house!!! I have full confidence that the Lord is going to be glorified in some crazy and wonderful ways through this difficult bend in the road. Keep focused on Truth, my friend. Praying for all of your precious fam!!

  2. Amen amen and AMEN! Its beautiful to see your faith in the Lord….to see your joy in the midst of difficulty. Covering your family in prayer!

  3. God Bless you Tracie, some times we don’t know why God wants us to slow down in life.
    Some times when I’m in pain with my Arthritis I’ll will wonder if God wants me to listen to him. That’s a thought I have always had. Maybe John will write a Song during his recovery.
    How is Mattie, I see your faith and the love you give those children. Your both very special people.
    Take time for your self.
    With Love,
    Joye Mosher

  4. Tracie, we have been so blessed by your journey in the Father’s heart.
    We are part of the IHOP and TDA community, and are an adoptive family as well. We have 6 children, ages 5-16, the youngest children of our hearts are from Ethiopia…~ Even though we have not been introduced, experiences we have had via your blog have made us feel as if you all were “family” here in our first year here in Kansas City. ~ We truly love your hearts!!
    You have been pressed on our heart as we have prayed for Mattie and now we are praying for knee recovery too! We have found your meal calendar and signed up for next week. 🙂 During this time of healing, we desire to be available to you. We look forward to meeting your beautiful family. Love and Hugs from the Tucker family!! Love, Gillian

  5. PRAYING PRAYING PRAYING PRAYING PRAYING PRAYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How is it that it just keeps going….on and on and on……PRAYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love you all!

  6. Would love to come over and HELP practically, too bad the big water separates us….PRAYING for you, your family….. for healing, for peace!! GOD PROVIDES,
    Love, Christina

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