Sometimes You Just Have to Laugh

Mattie’s nurse today has an older brother with Down syndrome. It was so fun to share stories in the midst of all of our care giving today. I told her how Aiden “ate” my Mother’s Day present- you know the potted bean plant in the decorated paper cup. Yeah, he ate it. Mostly he ate the dirt. He greeted me after school with a huge, muddy grin and a mutilated gift. She told me about the time her brother spray painted their dog black. I told her about how Aiden and Elia slow dance and how sweet their relationship is. She told me about how close their family is. She told me, “I think we’re so close because of him.”

She asked me about our adoptions. Asked about Ukraine and whether we planned on getting 2 children when we went. I told her the story of Emma and how God surprised us last minute with a second child. She asked about the process, and I told her it was pretty much “sight unseen,” but that we had said that we would like child #2 to be a girl, that we were open to mild special needs, and no severe medical issues.

At that point, she looked at me, I looked at her, we both looked at Mattie and started laughing.

There I stood looking at my son, the son I would lay my life down for, with all his “severe medical issues,” and I couldn’t help but laugh! It’s funny how God has such incredible ways of showing us what we can and can’t do. Sometimes He just plops it in front of us and we learn to shift our gaze, broaden our ability to trust, and see things the way He sees them.

I would not have adopted my daughter Emma if you would have told me what would lie ahead in the year following her adoption. I’m just being honest here folks. I don’t think that I would have thought I could have done it. It wouldn’t have been about HER, it would have been about ME and what I thought I could handle. I would have picked a different mother for her. I really would have.

And Mattie, as much as I’d like to tell you that if I had known all of his medical needs and what would be involved in advance that I would have still said, “yes,” I’m not sure I would have. I’m just not sure. I would have probably thought it was too much to handle, too medically fragile of a situation for parent of 6 other children to handle. I just might have tired to find a different mother for him. I’m not sure, I’m just not sure.

Please don’t get me wrong. I’m in love with my children. I would do it all again. I would do it all again. I would do it all again.

I’m so in love with my sweet Mattie boy that if I had to hit rewind, I would say, YES and do it again. My Emma, sweet Emma has stretched me and caused my heart to grow in love. I have no regrets. I have absolutely no regrets.

But I found it utterly hysterical today to realize God is so much bigger than my lack and believes in me so much more than I believe in myself.

It was never part of my life long dream to be the mother of a large family or to have multiple children with special needs. God just surprised me, and allowed what was on HIS heart for ME to find its way into MY heart for ME. I wouldn’t change a thing. Not a single thing. And I’m glad, so very glad that God is better at writing my story than I am.


12 thoughts on “Sometimes You Just Have to Laugh

  1. Oh Honey…He knew you were just the woman He needed. Just the mama they needed and that you wouldn’t try to do it in your own strength, but His.

    Bless you my friend. You are a woman that inspires each of us…you go girl!
    Praying for you and sweet Mattie

    mama to 8
    one homemade and 7 adopted

  2. Tracie I love how candid you are. I think we can all relate! You are a courageous woman and God knew all about who you are and would be in Him! Bless Him for having the right answers for all those little ones who need you, who need us, who need the body of Christ! Kudos to you!

  3. Thanks for making me cry sis. God knows just what we need. Just like he just plopped an adorable 6 year old boy into our home last night. This after, Justin just wailed and told me he was done with foster care, when I told him the news. But God knew Justin needed this little boy just as much as he needs us. I am so glad Gd is in charge of writing our story. Love ya. Talk t you soon.

  4. Dear Tracie,
    Thank you for sharing your heart and being so transparent. God is using you in a mighty way not only to minister to your children, but to so many others. I have already passed on this post to three people since it ministered so much to me.
    Thanks dear!
    In Christ
    Anne Hubbard

  5. tracie, i hope to meet you face to face someday. you are such an inspiration to me. we have 10 kids…3 home grown and 7 heart grown, and now we are going for 2 more from liberia. the hard days melt when i can see what God is teaching me through them. it is far from easy, but so very worth it. i love your transparency. praying much for you all and little mattie’s upcoming surgery.

  6. I am speechless right now, but so much in love with my children and their spouses, and all of our grandchildren. God has made you GREAT.

    Love, Dad

  7. Tracie
    This is just the kind of post that keeps me going! If I knew a year and a half ago,when we first said yes, that I would have the 3 we have now? I definitely would have thought it all would be beyond us! But God truly knows us better! Thank you Jesus NONE of us have missed out on these beautiful blessings!!! He is gracious!
    đŸ˜‰ Mindy

  8. This really touched me today. We have have three teenagers and 7 weeks ago brought home our son-age 7- we are adopting from foster care. I love him, but am struggling with feeling inadequate. This reminds me that I know beyond a doubt it is God’s plan for him to be in our family and I can love and serve him, but not on my own strength…I have to believe that this isn’t just about our son, but about God’s work in me, too.

    I also was moved by the story of your son in Poland. Our oldest (age 18) is with Youth with a Mission Performing Arts for 5 months–3 in Hawaii , then Japan and Korea. The Christian contacts in Japan are begging them to come to a more possibly dangerous(radiation concerns) area than previously planned because the need for the Gospel is so great. Praise Goid we can trust Him with our kids!!!

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