I like to fix things. I like to solve problems. I like a challenge. I find great reward in figuring things out, making things work, and finding solutions. But I can’t fix this.
Emma has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. I knew this from day one, but it was confirmed yesterday at our appointment with Genetics. Emma does indeed have FAS. With all my heart, I wanted it to be something else. I wanted it to be something I could fix. I called John as I was leaving the hospital after a 2 hour evaluation. I told him, “She has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, not that we didn’t already know that.”
And then I got mad. I cried and I ranted on the phone, “This isn’t her fault. She didn’t deserve this. This is the result of someone else’s sin. She was abused before she took her first breath. God didn’t create her this way. I wanted it to be something I could fix!!!”
The genetic specialists sat down with me after the evaluation and told me what I already knew. They knew I wasn’t surprised. They knew I knew. They asked me if I had read much about FAS. I told them I had quit reading. Everything I had come across was written to scare women out of drinking while pregnant. I told them that I had yet to find one website that was actually helpful. I was tired of reading about “irreversible brain damage.”
I didn’t do this to my daughter. Another woman did. And yesterday I was angry.
So you can pray for us. Pray that we will get to know Emma is such a way that we can help her compensate for or overcome any of the issues she has related to FAS. Pray that she will be healed. I reminded myself yesterday that her name means “total and complete restoration.” I know that it is no mistake that the Lord named her Emma Anastasia.
Today I want to forgive. Today I want to move forward and get to know my daughter in a deeper way. I want to learn what makes her tick. I want to learn the things that will make her thrive and to become everything the Father dreamed up when He wrote the story of her life. I want to one day marvel at the way He redeemed and restored her life.
Will you pray for Emma? Will you pray for me?