This afternoon I played for an hour with Emma in the main playroom with the other children- playing with her doll, touching her, feeding her a banana (she sat on my lap!), and then giving her a kiss good-bye so that I could spend the last 45 minutes with Aiden. A few minutes later the nurse brought her near our doorway where we were playing with Aiden and she allowed me to give her a toy from the doorway. I sat in the hallway outside the room and played with her. John and Aiden were inside and it wasn’t too long before Emma ventured in for a toy, and brought it back out to me. A few baby steps later and she had entered the room with us!!!!!
She stayed with us for 30 minutes tonight. The nurse left the hallway and Emma didn’t even notice.
Tonight we are celebrating the goodness of God and rejoicing that we have taken a few more baby steps closer to Emma’s heart.
Here are some thoughts I had this afternoon as I was praying for Emma:
To you I am a stranger entering your safe little world, the only world you have known. To you I am just that lady that comes in and wants to play with you and tries to talk to you in words you cannot understand. You have put a guard around your heart my little one. It’s alright. I will love you anyway. I will love you when you look at me with eyes full of fear. I will love you when you shy away, duck your head, and rock yourself in comfort.
I love you because I believe that God has chosen you to be my daughter. I love you because I know that before a minute of your life began that God began writing a story about your life. I believe with all my heart that in the library of the King of Kings, there is a beautifully bound book called, “Emma Anastasia.” I believe that in that story the Father writes a beginning that He knows does not mirror the end of the story. He writes a beginning, knowing that your life will begin full of pain and rejection. I believe He writes with tears in His eyes, seeing the affects of fallen man upon your tiny little frame. I believe that just as He wrote about your beginnings, He was flipping through the pages of time filling in the rest of the story with SALVATION, HOPE, LOVE, and COMPLETE RESURRECTION.
I can only imagine what He has been thinking these past few weeks as FINALLY, the part of the story has come where He has chosen to send your daddy and I into your life. I can imagine He was waiting with eager anticipation to turn the pages of your story these past days. This is the part of the story where your story and my story join. In my story, He wrote that I would learn more about His heart as He teaches me to love you. He wrote that my heart would feel more pain that I could have ever imagined as I pour out my weak human love upon your heart. He wrote that He would give me strength and that He would uphold me with His strong right arm as I learn to love you. He wrote that He would give me the keys to unlock your heart.
I can only imagine His smile as you leaned over to accept my kiss today. All of heaven was rejoicing, I’m sure of it. It was a tiny step, my little one, but we took it together.
I can hardly wait to discover the rest of this beautiful story with you, Emma. I know this His plans for you are to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you HOPE and a FUTURE. I know that when the Father sent His Son to shed His blood for His children, you were on His mind that day. The blood of Jesus was shed for your freedom and your salvation. I can only imagine what the Father has planned for you, Emma. Your life will become a light for all to see the goodness of God.
So little one, though I am a stranger, I give you my heart and I persist in love because of the One who has loved me well and laid down His life for me. Because of the One who has loved me well, even when I have closed my heart to Him, turned away from His kindness, lowered my gaze and tried to comfort myself with things that can never satisfy…. I am learning to love you.
Our story is just beginning.