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Emma’s Heart

John and I cannot thank you all enough for your continued support and love expressed through your prayers and incredible comments on the blog. We feel truly surrounded by love in the midst of a long, difficult journey.

We are coming to you to ask you to pray for Emma. The past 2 days have been filled with difficulty. In addition to having some delay in the processing of her paperwork, she is having some emotional difficulties with our visits. 

We are really asking you to intercede for her and for us as we try to love her well and seek the Father for wisdom on how to touch her heart the way it needs to be touched. The past two days she has screamed out and thrown fits that have been quite violent every time she sees us set foot in the orphanage. These have been honestly two of the most difficult days of our lives.

Though the battle has been fierce and our hearts have been weak, we have felt your prayers. Today at our visit just a little while ago, we decide to go in and meet her at her level in her area of comfort. Instead of having the workers bring her to us in the “visiting room” we asked if I could come to where she was playing and just kind of hang out without intruding in her activities. I went in and sat on the floor and played with the other children for a while, and at one point got close enough to stroke her hand and touch her on the nose without her panicking. 

Then I left and went to see John and Aiden for a bit. I went back in then with a few of her favorite toys from our toy bag. She read her book with her friends and let me sit nearby.  The other kids loved my little puppet show and I got bunches of kisses from the other kids!  

We were not able to get her to leave the playroom and come to the visiting room privately with us, but we did make a connect with her.  When we left, we were both able to kiss her on the cheek without her having a fit.  

So pray. PRAY! This morning we asked the Lord for a glimmer of hope, and we got it. We are going to continue to pursue this little girl’s heart and pray for the Father to break through any fear that she might be experiencing.  

We are learning and growing in our knowledge of the Father through this, through tears, hard prayers, and an emotional roller coaster, we are clinging to Him.

Love,

John and Tracie

23 thoughts on “Emma’s Heart

  1. Your mother and I are so glad to hear this good report. We know that God is leading, and that He will give you all of the wisdom that you need. Emma has grown secure in her environment, and the Holy Spirit has yet to speak to her heart regarding the plans that He has for her. They are great and marvelous plans that the enemy does not want her to know. Our prayer is that the lies of the enemy will be bound far from her and never reach her heart, and that the truth of God’s love, that will set her free, will be heard loud and clear.
    God, I ask that you give Emma a heart after you, and that she will run after you and the plan that you have for her, a plan to prosper, and that you will comfort her and cause her to receive the love you have for her.

    With much love,
    Papa and Memaw

  2. J & T. We’re praying for you. How difficult. I can only imagine, but I must admit have had the fear of the same thing happening.

    I was reminded that sometimes I try to avoid my adoptive Daddy. I don’t throw verbal fits, but at times try to keep Him from reaching out. You know what He does? He keeps loving me. He woes me. He gently approaches. He wins my heart. He sings over me.

    I’m sending a song to your email with all our love. We’ll be there in a few days and we will support you to the best of our abilities. God IS faithful. He IS sovereign. I know it.

    Love you guys. Cya soon.

    Chris & Mary Malone

  3. Hey, before I forget to sign, this is Meredith from RR 🙂 I’m sorry you all are having a rough go of things. I understand it must be very difficult to feel the ‘rejection’ of a child that you already long to love and hold and comfort.

    I don’t know whether now is a good time to say this or not, so I proceed with hesitancy knowing that God has prompted my heart and hoping that you will receive it. I also know that I don’t know everything happening and I may be off… but here we go.

    This is a GOOD thing.

    I know that sounds weird, and Emma should love you and want you and accept you, but her preference for the familiar, for her group, for her caretakers, for her play area– these are signs of ATTACHMENT. However difficult this makes it for you to step in to her life and know this is the right thing for you to do… this likely will make the transition into your home difficult… BUT when she is there, she will be much more likely to form the bond that she needs to with you- a preference for the familiar, for her family, for her parents, for her home.

    With children w/ Ds, we have often said within RR that they have the “protective gene” which allows them to overlook the lack of attachment available to them in the orphanage and quickly bond to their parents. We don’t understand it, but it seems to be the case! Yes, it still takes a little work and there are “moments” but… this is a general truth with the 100+ kids already home.

    Little Emma doesn’t have Ds. I know she has another condition which deems her ‘special needs’, but she seems, at least from this post and the few videos we’ve seen, to have more the bonding and attachment progression of a typical adopted child.

    Please know I don’t mean to say this should be ‘easy’ or that these things you’re feeling are minimized in any way. I just wanted to maybe help with a different perspective and will continue to seek the Lord on your behalf!

    Blessings!

  4. Guys, Meredith is so right. It doesn’t make it easier on your heart to see her acting out, but just try to imagine what she is thinking….her entire world is being up-ended! Despite the love and attention we give them, sometimes they are very deeply rooted in their routine, and need significant time and lots of patience and love to be ok with their new life and the loss of their old one. This is particularly true for “closer to typical” children, who can truly sense the loss and changes in their lives, but are too young to appropriately respond or voice their feelings.

    Praying for all of you!!!

    Andrea Roberts
    Reece’s Rainbow Down Syndrome Adoption Ministry
    http://www.reecesrainbow.org

  5. Wow! Thank you for candid honesty and believing beyond your present experience that it is the Lord’s heart to allow Emma to feel safe & secure in your love and asking for prayer! How humble. I have to admit I had wondered if there was something going on because Aiden appears so secure already in your love and Emma didn’t appear as free and since I didn’t understand her diagnois beyond the little I had read, I didn’t know if it was something to do with that. Since I have no experience with adoption, I wondered if since you had longed for Aiden so long if that was why the bonding was so quick with him. And I have been concerned for how things would go when you get home. I can see by the videos especially that you already love this daughter of yours!! I say a hearty amen to your dad’s prayer and I really appreciate what Meredith shared and truly believe it to be from the Lord. I see the Lord pouring out wisdom already by how you handled the situation today. I will keep praying for breakthrough and get the girls I work with on it too. I trust you will continue to see breakthrough and after she is home for a season and sees that it is permanent, she will blossom in that security given to her by you and most importantly by her heavenly Father who gave you the desire and ability to rescure her! Love you guys!

  6. Tracie-
    Remember what I prayed for you at church, that God would give you the keys to these children’s hearts. To unlock the broken places to be repaired. I believe that this is that. Though it is hard and what you are feeling is real, you hold keys to love this little one. God will give you wisdome and understanding in the knowledge of His will and the knowledge of her heart. He knows her heart and will give you perfect love for her where she is at. Its the little gestures of love and consistant tenderness that are visible to her young eyes. She notices all that you are doing and it is translating to her of your intentions. Be patient and lean into your Father for comfort. You are fellowshiping with Jesus in His sufferings in a whole new way through this. Lean in. He will be your strength.

  7. I have a hard time reading your updates without weeping! I feel the Father’s beautiful heart right in the center of your current situation. From the very first I’ve been given a solid faith over this journey you guys are on. I’m going to my prayer house tonight and will be crying out from the Emerald Isle on your behalf.

    Love to you both…Marc and Sallie

  8. We are praying for a breakthrough in sweet Emma’s heart. That the Lord would speak softly and directly to her heart. What a precious child. We are asking you Jesus for another glimpse of hope tomorrow.

    Blessings, Angela

  9. Oh, bless your hearts. Hang in there. What wonderful wisdom your friends have already shared with you in the comments posted above! Here’s what God has impressed upon my heart – much of it learned through our own adoption struggles:

    1. This battle is not with flesh & blood. It is a spiritual battle. (Ephesians 6:12 “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”)

    2. We know that Satan does not want this little girl to have the love of a Christian family – the Bible says that he comes to steal, kill, & destroy. ( John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”) That’s one of the big reasons I think we often experience difficulties on our adoption journeys. Satan is trying to make this as difficult, as expensive, as heartbreaking as possible to hinder these precious children from experiencing loving, Christian homes. The good news is that God is sovereign! He is in complete control & Satan cannot thwart His Holy plan! Praise God!

    3. We know that adoption is at the heart of the gospel & glorifying to God – – He didn’t say it would be easy, only that we are to obey Him by caring for widows & orphans. (James 1:27 “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to care for orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.”)

    4. We are to fully rely on God & pray without ceasing (Philippians 4:6 “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”)

    Ephesians 6 says: “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. . . Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. . . . praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance. . . .

    So, hang in there Loux family. God has brought you to this place for a reason – there are no accidents with God. Continue leaning on Him & we will all continue praying.

    John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

    Love & prayers;
    Tiffany, Steve, Noah, Grace, Elijah, & Chloe

  10. Thank you for the updates! I’m praying for you Tracie and John, and especially Emma Ann, Aiden, and the rest of the kids! I pray that the Father will lead you and guide you in all wisdom and truth, that He will be close to your heart in this time and that you will hear His voice and feel the nearness of His presence in the midst of this situation!

  11. Tracie and John,

    As I read your post, what came to my mind was a phrase, “There is a balm in Gilead.” I have a picture of the oil of the Holy Spirit and the balm of Gilead being massaged into little Emma’s heart.

    This is a verse from an African-American spiritual with a little change at the end…………………..

    There is a balm in Gilead
    To make the wounded whole;
    There is a balm in Gilead
    To heal little Emma’s precious soul.

    Praying that the Holy Spirit will give you revelation regarding the best ways to interact with Emma and that every day, she will become more and more accepting of the love you are offering her.

  12. Thank you so much for giving us this honesty. I prayed for you today while on the treadmill-felt an overwhelming need to pray. NOW, I have a reason to pray harder and more ofter for your little Emma girl… and you

  13. Thank you guys for being so honest!♥ I’ve read all the comments and as I sit here this morning I can’t help but just be so overcome with emotion and here is what I sense:

    This is just as much partnering with God’s heart as when you could hold her and she’d laugh and giggle and give you kisses. I cannot even begin to imagine how much it hurts and the ache you must both feel. But, when you said you wanted to partner with God’s heart in the Spirit of Adoption, this is part of what it means, too.♥

    I imagine God has felt that ache many times. Wanting to get close, wanting to love, wanting to show affection – and for whatever reason we hold him at arm’s length, we refuse to allow Him to love on us, refuse to allow Him to show us affection. Why? Because we’ve known such rejection, never really known unconditional love like His’ and so we push Him away. We would rather embrace the comforts of normalcy, even if it pales in comparison, rather than risk throwing ourselves into the unknown of His love. I can only imagine how that causes His heart to break at times.

    You are feeling part of that ache. You are truly being His friend, by allowing Him to share a part of his heart with you…..not just the ‘good’ and the ‘warm fuzzies’, but the ‘ache’ as well.

    Oh, John and Tracie — I just want you to know that as I write this all I can sense is God’s amazing pleasure over your lives. He is pleased with your willingness to join Him in this journey. Your willingness to forego the comforts of your life/your home/your family and go on this heart journey with Him to embrace these children. He is pleased, that through all the pain, you still say “yes” to partnering with His heart. He loves the “yes” in your weak hearts.

    I encourage you to spend time with Him today asking Him to reveal His deep pleasure over your lives. Ask Him to tell you how proud He is of you of all the sacrifices you’ve made, of your willingness to get down on Emma’s level and love her where she’s at, etc.. (the very things our own kids want to hear from us when they do things ‘right’, is the very thing we need to hear from him). I truly believe it is this pleasure that will strengthen and guard your hearts now and in the days ahead. The joy of the Lord is your strength — the joy OF THE Lord — His joy, His pleasure over your life, is your strength.

    We love you and are praying for you! May His rivers of pleasure wash over you and strengthen you in your inner man!
    Debi

  14. Oh God, You know Emma’s heart. You know what pulls her little heart strings. Lord, I ask that You would enlighten the eyes of her understanding! Comfort her! Let her know that John and Tracie are safe. Give little Emma wisdom and revelation of Your love for her – even through John and Tracie! Let Your love shine in her darkness. God, give her Your peace today. Let Your peace rest on the whole orphanage. Lord, encourage John and Tracie today. Give them strength. You have turned the heart of this father toward his children… know we all ask that You would turn the heart of his children toward their father! I love You, Lord! You are good. This is Your plan – to visit – even to rescue the orphans. Thank You for the Loux family and their willingness to step up to the plate. Let us all be more like them. Thank You for the forerunner spirit that they carry and for their complete submission to You.

    Lord, I ask that You would stir up the spirit of prophecy this day. Speak to John and Tracie clearly of what they are to pray over/ speak over their children during their visits today. We are very aware that there are generational things that are present. Lord, give them understanding beyond the natural. Show them the keys to unlocking the precious girl’s heart. More than anything Lord, we long to have her know YOUR love… and accept You for all of eternity. Thank You for choosing her and aligning her little heart with Yours.

  15. Thank you friends for the wonderful prayers, love, and truth that you have shared with John and Tracie.

    Love, Terry Mickey, Tracie’s father

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