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Our Birthmom

I know not all of you follow my adoption blog, so I wanted to post this here as well.  This story is very dear to me, because it was written by the birth mom of our daughter, Elia. I am honored that she would write it for me, and blessed to be able to share it with you. -Tracie

“Hello. My name is Heather and my husband and I chose adoption for our daughter. Many ask why I would choose that over abortion or keeping her to raise myself. Well, to be honest, I would have loved to raise her, but the situation I was in was not the type that was best for my child. There weren’t any drugs or alcohol. We just weren’t ready to raise a child. I have always felt that a child should be offered all there is in life. And at the time we weren’t able to provide that for her.

My father was adopted, and in turn adopted me when he met my mother. So when I found out that I was pregnant, he mentioned adoption. And to me, abortion was not an option, because my child was conceived voluntarily. Not that she was planned, but was in no way not wanted. At first it was a definite no. In my younger days I felt that if a woman was mature enough get pregnant, then she was mature enough to take responsibility for that child and do her best to raise him or her. However, when it’s you that is in the situation, things change. I wanted to make things work, but later did some thinking and much praying. I asked God to give me the the strength and knowledge to do what was best for my child. Even though she wasn’t here yet, I had such love for my baby. After a few weeks of praying and lots of tears, I knew what was best, to give this child a family that would not only love her unconditionally, but could also give her everything we couldn’t. I feel that a child needs more than just love to grow and be successful in life.

When it came time to pick a family for my daughter, I was a bit unsure. How was I going to know that they would be perfect for her? What if I picked the wrong family? My mom went with me to the adoption agency, and when they handed me the profile for the Loux family, it only took a minute to decide. I opened the pages, and I had never been more sure of something in my whole life. It was like God said, “This is the family I have chosen for your child.” All my fears of making the wrong decision were gone. And the first time I talked to them on the phone, was like I was talking to a sister. We only had a few short weeks before my baby arrived, and as any parent I was nervous. The minute I saw Tracie and John, there was no doubt that God had given me this child so that I could bless their family. I now believe that EVERYTHING happens for a reason.

At first I didn’t want an open adoption. I thought that I could get back to a normal life if there was no constant memory of the difficult decision I had made. But as soon as I saw Tracie and John with Elia, I just felt that there was more of a connection there. Tracie, being open to a relationship with us, actually made the transition easier because now I could see Elia’s progress. I could see the love in the other children’s faces, and the unconditional adoration that the whole family had for my baby girl. I love having a relationship with Tracie and John. I’m not sure that I could have gone through with the whole thing without God’s continued peace, my families’ support and love, and my wonderful connection with the Loux Family.

My husband and I are now expecting our own child, a baby boy. Because of the experience with the adoption, we have been able to reconnect in our marriage, and stabilize our lives. The continued relationship I have with Tracie and John has given me hope that one day, many years from now, Elia will always know that her birth mom and dad love her very much. We didn’t “give” her away. We simply found a wonderful, loving and compassionate family to take care of her, love her and give her every option she desires in life.”

9 thoughts on “Our Birthmom

  1. You must have cried the first time you read this. Here’s the part that really hit me: “The minute I saw Tracie and John, there was no doubt that God had given me this child so that I could bless their family.”

    Wow, just wow.

  2. I think that is such a beautiful letter. I love that the first time I heard you read it, I was in your living room, watching LiLi play with her siblings. You really could feel God’s love for her, your family, and adoption. It was special to me.

  3. Tracie and John,

    My heart was so touched by this letter! God is so GOOD! You and your family are a sign and a wonder to me.

  4. What a blessing! I too am so thankful for the relationship I have with the kids birthmom-We are all one big happy family to God anyway right? That was a very touching letter-sound like a very wonderful lady!

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